This is something I often discuss with friends when the topic of sex arises. What is it with name calling in bed? To me, it just feels a little odd. 

Okay, maybe I should explain here that I’m that person that gives everyone a nickname. It’s not something I set out to necessarily do, I don’t sit and contemplate what to call someone for hours, it just tends to happen. And I suppose, the same happens for me in a way. If you can call ‘twat’ ‘dickhead’ or ‘queer’ a nickname, obviously.

I’ve slept with enough women for this to happen to me multiple times. Who are these women going around saying names in bed as if they’re asking you to pass the ketchup? ¬†Okay, so their panting and slight breathy way of saying it is different, I give you that, but still.

Maybe it reminds me of a dodgy Netflix rom-com, maybe I feel like I’ll turn around and a camera crew will be behind me filming the whole thing, or maybe I’m just not used to being called my actual name at all. But it’s weird, and I don’t think I’ll ever quite get it.

Until I have sex with a girl who screams my name until her legs shake and somehow takes me by surprise, I don’t think I’ll be so pleased about name-calling as the name caller expects me to be. And even then, people may think I’m murdering her.


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