I’m not one for sexual niceties. I don’t tip toe around the word sex, fu**ing or shag. Let alone use the word ‘intimate’.

Now I should probably explain this a little better. My ex and I broke up after an argument that blew up out of nowhere. After talking for (many, many) hours we patched things up and had sex. Let me fast forward to the following afternoon, the same argument blew up yet again and that was it. All over.

Within this argument she said, “it makes me sick that you were close to me last night, and now this… You were intimate with me!” It’s okay, you can laugh. I wanted to too.

Who even says the word ‘intimate’ anyway? Come on, I say sex, fu**ed or fu**ing to my parents for God’s sake.