Hey there. It’s story time. 

It’s human nature to have things that turn us on, but what about what turns us off?

So, this one’s a brief one, but totally worth sharing. An ex of mine told me when we were dating that she had OCD. This ranged from leaving to go to university and walking back to check her front door was locked 10+ times (when at its worst way back when) to ensuring not an ounce of water was left in the kettle (when at its best around now).

Unfortunately for her, her flat was damp and gross. This was an ongoing issue that nobody seemed to be helping with. There was often condensation everywhere and with her flat on the ground floor, she wasn’t keen on having her curtains open too much.

One evening, she asks me to close the curtains and put some things away. I oblige, obviously, and we carry on as normal. Later that evening, she’s laying there on full display with her legs either side of me – the curtains still closed, FYI – and as I run a hand up the inside of her leg she goes a bit weird. I instantly stop.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. She raises her eyes upwards, as if I’ve asked something unreasonable, groans to herself and says nothing. What felt like the longest stretch of silence the world has ever known quickly followed. She then mutters something about the curtains…

I glance up. Nope, still closed. I didn’t realise they were playing some sort of peekaboo that evening, so what’s the big deal? Now utterly confused, I move away and she quickly retracts from her position as a naked starfish and moves under the covers. So, again I asked what was wrong.

Eventually she mumbles awkwardly, “did you wash your hands after touching the curtains?”

Yeah, I understood she had OCD, but a small big part of me wanted to laugh. Definitely not the time I tell myself. I couldn’t even remember, I’d been doing stuff since. I’d been to the toilet, I’d made us a drink, the list goes on. So what do I do? I simply frown back and reply:

“Errrrr, yes?”

Have you ever had to reject someone’s advances and then sit awkwardly beside them? Well, it felt like that. So there we were, now laying in bed side by side, her awkward and me confused. Then she tries to make a move on me.

My boner was killed by the curtain talk. I told her this. That didn’t go down well.



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