*FYI – If you have no idea what an NDA is (which, to be fair, it kinda sounds like an awful club or some sort of infection)… It’s a non disclosure agreement. So if you were to go work with a massive company with huge clients, you couldn’t go babbling about it.
Now, I’m all for being open.
I’m open with everyone, whether a friend or a girlfriend. I’ll give you an honest answer and happily open up about my life, no matter how embarrassing it may be. However, recently, I’ve been wondering…
How much should we keep to ourselves unless it happens to crop up?
I’ll give you an example. A male friend of mine is recently in a new relationship. At one point him and his new girlfriend were just in it for the sex, a bit of fun on the side, that kind of thing. Now they’re together, they’ve begun to share other stories and experiences other than a shag or two. She tells him that he just has to meet her friend Tom*… So far so good. Shortly into explaining the history to their relationship, she mentions she once gave Tom a blowjob when she was 14. He tells me he’d rather not know.
Bearing in mind, this was over 10+ years ago. Is that odd? Maybe. Has that ship sailed? Most definitely. To me, unless you’re both each other’s first, then someone has always been there before you. In context, discussing exes and previous conquests doesn’t bother me. But don’t go telling me over dinner how good a shag your ex was. Because that’s just weird.
I brought this topic up with a couple friends of mine to get their view on it.
Exhibit A: Anna*, 23. Straight. In a long term relationship. But once upon a time she had a thing with a girl. She’s not even sure how it happened. They were best friends, got a tad too close and she wasn’t really into it.
She tells me that it took over a year into her relationship with Adam* for her to tell him about her dabbling in fanny. Did he need to know? Not really. I suppose. She only told him because her same sex experience had put her off someone heading down south, so it affected things between them. Would she have told him otherwise? No, she says, unless somehow that topic presented itself.
Exhibit B: Martin*, 25, bisexual. Engaged. Without asking point blank, Martin and I have the same conversation when discussing his wedding. He tells me he’s unsure what his best men might say on his big day, wondering what stories might show their face. He doesn’t state that he has necessarily hidden those tales on purpose from his bride to be. But hasn’t told her nevertheless.
But maybe we take relationships on a need to know basis? To me, this feels like lying. I’m not sure, I just hate feeling guilty. I’m the crappest liar on the planet and I like to share stuff.
I like to think of my life like an open book. Sure, I’m not going to go describing the time I was sick because of a cock over coffee when you simply asked how my day was. But if in context, I’ll happily make you feel awkward on my behalf for the tales I tell.
*Of course I’m going to change their name.