Yesterday I found out my Nan’s husband passed away. My Mum called me as I was laying in bed, having just sent her a text to say goodnight and that I’d speak to her the next day. Her ringing me late at night instantly made me think something must have happened.

He had been in and out of hospital for a little while and was getting gradually thinner and more frail. It was horrible seeing him waste away without any of us being able to do anything. Yet at the same time he seemed strong. He was always optimistic.

When my Mum called, her voice cracked and it broke my heart. I didn’t want her to have to go through the process of telling me what had happened. And she now had to call my brother and sister to tell them the same thing. Although I knew Grand had been unwell and the latest operation was a sort of last attempt by doctors, I was still in shock. The thought of my Nan being alone break my heart even more.

Through all of this, it made me think. I’ve never lost a member of my family like that before. In all honesty, him and I weren’t even that close. But his presence was enough for me to miss. The fact he made my Nan happy, and many many other people. Knowing she would now be on her own made me want to go rushing back to make her a cup of tea and tell her everything would be okay.

I’ve never really known how I’d react to losing someone. I think I was shocked, despite being told the next 24 hours after his operation were crucial. Not living at home has somewhat distanced me from what has been going on, but I knew the pain it was causing those that were closest to him. Just thinking about what my Nan must have gone through makes me want to break down and cry. She has always been so strong. You know the way your Mum is always there for you as you grow up, then one day you see her cry? When you’re so used to it being the other way around.

I cannot even start to imagine how my Nan is feeling. I’d be devastated if I lost my girlfriend now, let alone after years of memories and marriage. It has really made me think, life is so so short and we don’t always appreciate living in the moment. I know he wouldn’t want us to be crying, missing him. And while him no longer being with us has caused so much upset, that instant response of sadness will continue. I don’t think it has quite sunk in yet for my Nan. But when it does, I know I will be there, like she has been there for me. I’ll be the strong one to kiss her when she’s upset, to tell her she can tell me anything and to do anything I can in my power to bring a smile back to her face and remind her of their happiness over this sadness.

Rest in peace Grand, we’re all missing you.

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