I’m not sure what it is, or how I manage it, but you may have noticed I land myself in a variety of awkward situations. For this one, I’m not going to change her name, and you’ll soon understand why. 

So, I used to study with this girl called Vicky*, she was a bit of a pain in the arse, but nevertheless we got on. She tells me one of her best friends was coming to visit and that they had joked about hooking me up with her friend Valerie. Vicky and Valerie weren’t the closest, so when I kindly declined she didn’t seem fussed. Shortly after, she informed me that Valerie had stalked me on Facebook, and thought I was hot. 

‘I’m still good, thanks…’ I really wasn’t keen on this awkward hook up. Then Valerie cancels. I joke that I’m gutted and somehow this gets passed back in her direction. Valerie changes her mind. I’m ecstatic about this.

So, I head over to pre drinks, awkwardly introduced to Valerie as though I’m on Take Me Out and all is fine albeit slightly cringe. At this point I decide to drink far more than I should have done. I don’t really remember leaving Vicky’s flat, and somehow find myself in a gay bar. Drunken me is very friendly, I’ll talk to anyone. And so I think to myself, I’ll just be nice to this girl, but that’s about it. 

Little did I know, this arranged ‘hook up’ seemed like a done deal to Valerie. At some point during the night, she has my phone, whatever, I have nothing to hide. Fast forward a few hours, I’m off my face in a house I don’t recognise, playing a guitar. Valerie, Rebecca* and myself eventually leave, grabbing a taxi. We stop half way so that they can both get cash, at which point I decide to hop out the other side of the taxi as they get back in. 

The taxi speeds off, I walk home (somehow) and pass out on my bed. I wake up shortly after to a load of missed calls from a number I don’t recognise. Do I care? Nope. Back to sleep I go. When I eventually wake up to the biggest hangover of my life, I check my phone to a bunch of messages and Facebook notifications. “Congratulations! I can’t wait to meet her xx” one comment read. Valerie had tagged me in a relationship update. Yet somehow during the night I must have seen this and removed my tag. Now both of our profiles stated we were ‘In a relationship’ with someone. 

When I went home next I told my Mum this tale, much to her amusement. And what does she say?

“Why won’t you come on over Valerie!” 

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